Hey gang, we here at Jacquiqui Inc have a handsome new batch of jbcomedy.net thumb-drives.
Here’s what’s on the USB:
- 1 professionally filmed Melbourne International Comedy Festival headline set.
- 7Gb free storage for your porn or illegal downloads.
- Free entry to any comedy festival or Fringe solo show of mine in any city in Australia until Jan 1st 2018 (so long as the show isn’t already sold out)
Such a sweet deal, and it’s only $20 bucks (plus 2 bucks postage)
Click on the PayPal button below….. Here’s a taste… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bn-wpB00Yro
It’s totes legit, I’ve already sent out a bunch and everyone received em and they’re all pumped.
Hey Perth, the final installment of the comedy Juggernaut that is Boomerangs and Beavertales is here:
Myself and Canadian comedy Maverick Bryan O’Gorman sizzled hotter than a fajita plate at the 2014 and 2015 Perth FRINGE WORLD, laying the smackdown with our patented tag-team hour of hilarious power. We teamed up and we steamed up … “A sheer comic delight – 5 Stars” – The West Australian… And now we’re back with another year of solid international touring under our belts and a clear promise that The Wreckoning will take things to the next level.
Jan 28th to 31st – 8pm – Buffalo Club, 54 High St Freo.
Feb 4th to 7th – 930pm – The Comedy Shack, 20 Parker St Northbridge.
Tickets @ www.fringeworld.com.au
WhiteLine Comedy @ The Crystal Lounge
Wednesday November 4th
Jacques Barrett (Aus), Bryan O’Gorman (Canada). Hosted by Andrew Slater with special open mic section.
2 seasoned internationally touring comics descend on the Crystal Lounge for a super sweet night of rock solid standup to kick off the Winter season.
Bryan O”Gorman is one of Canada’s best exports, haling from Toronto, headlining shows all over the planet and seen at Just for Laughs he’s one of the best standup comics you’ve probably never heard of, until now!!!
Jacques Barrett has spent the last 12 years on the Australian club and festival circuit and has become a bona-fide international headliner. You’re seeing him at the end of an 18 month worldwide tour, so strap the fuck in.
Here’s a clip – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPdmsons4s4
Show is on Wednesday November 4th. Doors open at 7pm, Tickets are $10 on the door, actual show starts at 8pm but get in early for a good seat as space is tight.
www.jbcomedy.net for more details and clips.
After sellout runs of their critically acclaimed 2015 Melbourne International Comedy Festival shows, James Masters and Jacques Barrett are throwing an encore performance at Caz Reitops Dirty Secrets in Collingwood on Saturday June 13th from 4pm. $20 per ticket for 2 hours of top-notch lols with a free beer on entry and a shot at half time.
Bookings – www.trybooking.com/HXKO
Caz Reitops Dirty Secrets
80 Smith St
Melbourne, Victoria 3066
Jacques Barrett – firstname.lastname@example.org
Following sellout runs at the Melbourne, Sydney and Perth international comedy festivals, Luke Heggie and Jacques Barrett return to the city that made them for one night only.
QLD’s favourite prodigal sons with their 2 critically acclaimed solo shows in the one double-bill extravaganza on Saturday June 20th at The Mill in The Valley. Not to be missed.
Bookings here: www.trybooking.com/HXJZ
111 Constance St
Brisbane, Queensland 4006
Jacques Barrett – email@example.com
You may have noticed there’s a little unrest in the Middle East at the moment. Crazy right? It’s usually such a tranquil, peace-loving zone. Apparently recent tensions have spilled over into violence due to low worldwide sales of Robin Thicke’s new album “Paula”. Maybe it’s the internet talking but apparently the Jews in America run all the big music labels and after really bad opening week album sales they asked Israel to create a distraction… Sounds legit.
Robin Thicke’s previous release “Blurred Lines” went platinum worldwide because it featured professional hat-rack Pharrel Williams and that popular “consent is for fags” message, but this new release is rolling donuts all over the planet. Personally, I hate when bad things happen to good people and that’s why Robin Thicke’s utter failure makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. Only 54 copies Of Robin’s album sold in it’s first week here in Oz…. I sold more copies of my newly released comedy album than this ass clown did. (album available for purchase right here at www.jbcomedy.net, Yewwww!).
A quick history of Robin… His father is Growing Pains actor Alan Thicke who obviously fucked a Sunglass Hutt 42 yrs ago and Robin arrived in a FedEx box 9 months later. He’s pretty much gotten everywhere cus of family connections, and I know some of you would defend his first big hit “Blurred Lines” by saying it’s catchy… You know what else is catchy? Herpes. Whatever happened to music being applauded because it was good. There’s a song by Tool called Lateralus, go YouTube it, it’s a work of art. It’s 9 minutes in length, and because no radio DJ could go that long without spewing audible Chlamydia into your skull not many know of its splendor. Commercial pop music has widdled the attention spans of this planet down to that of a 3 yr old in a hall of mirrors. Top 40 music has never sucked more and Thicke’s low album sales is a glimpse of hope in a sea of fuck…. Eat shit Robin, you fuckin nothing.
Not sure if you’ve heard of The Kanye West Self-Confidence Generator, but it’s pretty much why we have the Internet.
A single click on this amazing rabbithole will send you spiraling up Kanye’s own colon to find deep reservoirs of his finest self-congratulatory interview quotes and semen.
Here’s a taste to get you started and I’ve added a few of my own responses to boot…
“Don’t ask me what I think the best song of last year was, because my opinion is the same as most of America’s. It was ‘Gold Digger.” – 2006.
- It was 6th on the 2005 Billboard Charts. You weren’t even on the podium, you were barely a Bronze Digger.
“I’m a creative genius and there’s no other way to word it” – 2013
- You still rhymin ‘digger’ with ‘n*%%a’ over top of computer noises? Cool.. I’ll go tell Da Vinci to hurry up with your damn croissants.
“When I think of competition it’s like I try to create against the past. I think about Michelangelo and Picasso. You know, the pyramids.” – 2010
- Your penis sits in the back of your throat and tells people how good it is. Your only competition is Ru Paul.
“My music isn’t just music — it’s medicine.”- 2006
- How bout you go play some free concerts in Africa then. #c*nt.
“I feel like a little bit, like, I’m the Braveheart of creativity.” – 2013
- You’re the anti-Semite of creativity? Jews are the only reason we’ve heard of you, show some respect.
“Visiting my mind is like visiting the Hermes factory….” – 2013
- You spelled ‘herpes’ wrong.
“I am so credible and so influential and so relevant that I will change things.” – 2013
- Your child just did a Kardashian in its diaper, maybe start by changing that.
“A lot of people were wondering what I was going to do if I didn’t win anything. I guess we’ll never know.” – 2005 Grammy’s acceptance speech.
- This one’s actually pretty awesome.
“I’m the No. 1 living and breathing rock star.”- 2013
- You know Dave Grohl?…. He wrote every note and lyric and played every instrument for the first Foo Fighters album and then layered and mastered it all in a studio by himself! It took him 10 days. Maybe you are the No. 1 living breathing rock star, but we’ve only ever heard you rap.
“Whether or not you like me or not. I am the new Jim Morrison. I am the new Kurt Cobain.”
- Here’s hoping.